Friday, January 29, 2010

The Darker the Night...


When Sara and I first met, back in June of 1998, we were camping at Garner State Park in West Texas. I asked her to dance, and that was the beginning of our journey together. After the dance that night, we spent some time together looking up at the stars in the night sky of West Texas. Fast forward to April 2003...after a 3 year "hiatus" in our relationship (i.e. Sara dumped me after I went to college in Florida), our lives reconnected and we were once again looking at the stars in the night sky outside of Austin, TX. We enjoyed looking at stars together over the course of our relationship.

After Chloe goes to sleep, I enjoy some quiet time sitting on my back porch...thinking about life and looking up at the night sky. Tonight, I was on the porch and was amazed at how bright the full moon was. The moon was so bright, that it was casting shadows. As I looked up, longing to see the millions of stars (that I once looked at with my wife), I realized that I could only see a few because of the "light pollution" from the moon. The moon has an irradiance of zero, meaning that it does not give off any of it's own light. However tonight, the moon was lighting up the earth, from it's reflection of the sun.

The thought occurred to me that "the darker the night sky, the more stars I can see...or...the darker it is, the more fully I can see God's glory."

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the works of his hands. --Psalms 19:1

The weeks following Sara's death and the journey of grief that has followed, have been some of the "darker times" in my life. However, along this journey, I have truly seen God's work and glory.

As I came inside to put the latest "epiphany" on on paper, the song "Cry Out to Jesus" by Third Day was on the radio. Here are some of the lyrics...

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus

"I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun, not because I can look directly at it, but by it I can see everything else." -Author Unknown

44 comments:

Susie said...

I have followed your blog for quite sometime, I am a friend of a friend of yours. I just have to tell you, that is the CUTEST baby ever!! Thanks for your inspirational posts and sharing your story.

Christy said...

What a stinking cute baby! And the perfect mix of you and Sara! Continuing to pray for you and Chloe!

amulbunny said...

The last quote about the sun is by C.S. Lewis.

Your baby is growing so fast and she is so sweet.

God Bless.

Rachel and Cameron said...

I have been following your blog for quite some time. Your faith TRULY inspires me daily. Thank you for being so open and sharing your deepest thoughts. I continue to pray for you and your daughter- she is just beautiful!

Lisa said...

beautifully written and oh so true! Chloe is becoming more and more darling with each new picture! She is just as beautiful as her mother.
Be well Brady,
Lisa :)

Colleen said...

Oh, Chloe is just so beautiful! Thank you for sharing those lyrics. We have friends who lost loved ones in the Haiti earthquake, and I want to share those lyrics with them now, too. Brady, you are an incredibly thoughtful, reflective, and brave person. I admire you immensely. Give that precious baby girl a big hug for me!

Kelli said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Beautifully written...Chloe's a sweetie!

Cori said...

still following your blog and praying for you and chloe. she is becoming more and more beautiful as the months go by. i know you are very proud. you are such a inspiration and a Godly man. praise God for your strength!

Jennifer said...

Brady -- Chloe is beautiful! You're doing a great job... I know that Sara is so proud...

Victoria said...

what a poignant post! loved the quotes and Bible lines as well. What a big cutie Chloe is!!!

Victoria said...

ooops! my mistake, no Bible verses in this post, sorry about that....i am just used to seeing lovely verses so I just wrote it down :) i am going to listen to the song now though!

oh, have you head of matt logelin? you two have similar stories and are raising baby girls on your own.....in case you were interested: http://www.mattlogelin.com/

Renia Flaishans said...

Brady, I have been following the blog since you lost Sara. I have never let a comment before but I have to tell you that you just amaze me! My husband is a wonderful person but I cant say that he would ever blog. I think that you are a very wonderful person to continue to do update this blog. Sara was very lucky to have you and Chloe is VERY lucky to have you as a daddy! Thank you so much for sharing the pictures of her with us. She is just SO adorable!!
Our thoughts and prayer are with "ALL" of you.
Renia (Michigan)

Stephaney said...

Brady and Chloe,
My family and I are still praying for you both. Thank you for continuing to blog. You are still having such a godly effect on so many. There are so many that I have emailed with or "Facebooked" with that have expressed how grateful for your blog and seeing how you testify about the hope in Jesus that can be had in the darkest of times. There are still many that are praying for you and Chloe. Thank you so much for how you are clinging to Jesus. I am so thankful for your relationship with HIM!!!
Your Chloe is such a treasure. You are doing such a good job with her. You both are so blessed.
She is so gorgeous.

JRMG said...

AMEN Brady! During my own time of grief where I am in a place where I am not sure, you have written what I needed to read. Thank you Brady. I am still praying for you and Ms. Chole. Your doing a great job.

La Famiglia Repucci said...

I truly cherish that song! It's a therapy tool that I find comforting as I am reminded of my Granny and Sara. Taken too soon. It's so true how much God is in every star, flower, cloud and every inch of this earth. He has left us soo many ways to feel His Love. I appreciate your thoughts, dear friend. We Miss you and Love you!

Ashley Andreano Photography said...

God Bless you Brady! Thank you for sharing.

jenn said...

that was a good writing and speaks the truth. she is a adorable baby:)

The Lugo's said...

I have followed your blog for a while now. Not one day goes by that I don't check to see if you have written something new. Your words are so inspirational to me.
Chloe is growing up so fast! You are doing an amazing job Brady.

Still praying...
Krystina

Deborah said...

Awww, your precious girl is getting so big. I have been following you for a while now.

Peppermint Patty said...

Chloe is a bright star among some of your darkest days. :)

bass family said...

beautiful. simply beautiful. All of it. Your heart, the Lord's work, the song lyrics, Chloe. Thanks for sharing.

snekcip said...

Most beautiful post yet and absolutely the most beautiful baby ever!

Summer said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. It is so true, and what you shared made me think back to last year when a student of mine passed away. It was a dark time for me but God's glory did shine through it all...and He did some amazing things through it.

You and Chloe are in my prayers.

Adele said...

Boy that pic of Chloe on her tummy in blue outfit she really looks like her daddy! I see that so clearly!
She looks like Sara in the third pic. What a beauty and continued love and prayers go out to you both.
:-) Adele
Corpus Christi, TX

Mikie said...

I am in awe of how beautiful Chloe is...what a precious child. Thank you for taking such good care of her and for taking so many pictures that you share with us.

Corrie's Blog said...

She is absolutely ADORABLE...and looks just like you!
:) Great post! You are prayed for!

Jessica Faith said...

Great post! So cute!! I pray for you guys all the time... Chloe is adorable!!!

Bess said...

I think about the heavens.I think about what your fingers have created. I think about the moon and stars that you have set in place. What is a human being that you think about him? What is a son of man that you take care of him?. . . .Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in the whole earth! Psalm 8:3-4,9 NIRV

Erica said...

I just recently heard about your blog through a friend. Today we attended the funeral service for a precious friend of mine. She lost her year long battle with cancer and leaves behind her precious husband and two young sons. I would love to share this blog with her husband. I know you could encourage him unlike any of us! Chloe is absolutely precious and Sara's love and faith come through every word you write!

Miss Erin said...

She is getting big. I remember reading your blog just after your wife passed. Chloe is about the same age as my nephew :) Your doing a great job.

Jen said...

What a beautiful girl. Such a blessing. Thank you God for Chloe! Thank you for sharing all you're feeling, experiencing. My husband died when I was 13 weeks pregnant with my first son.(My son is now 18 years old) In this tragedy, He has blessed you. Which I know you know, but the memories come back. And I remember the ache. I continue to pray for Chloe and you! (and your family) Jen from Cali

Nancy said...

Brady Thank you for ALWAYS putting life in perspective with your strong faith and courage you will always continue to have a great life and Chloe is very lucky to have such a wonder Dad. God Bless you both. I am a friend of Chris and Corey Carney. Nancy in Arizona

Allie said...

awesome...keep writing...God is working through you and by blogging about it you are helping so many others along the way! Thanks, Allie

The one girl said...

What a beautiful blog post. And Chloe is just cuter every day!!! Thanks so much for writing.

Lisa said...

Your faith continues to inspire me. We continue to pray for you and your beautiful little girl. Thankyou for always posting such inspirational thoughts!

Casey said...

I have been following your blog for some time now. You are so inspirational. We pray for you and Chloe in our home daily.

Casey

Amanda said...

What a GREAT way to think about the sun and God. I am going to add it to my prayer journal. Chloe is so adorable!! She's getting so big and looks so happy!!

Mama Bree said...

you are a gifted writer and I thank you for sharing your story with the world. It gives me so much inspiration. Lots of prayer and hugs to you and your gorgeous baby girl.

erin f. said...

I heard about your blog through a friend and have kept up with you since. I have a baby girl, born August 22nd. After she was born I had a hard time adjusting to motherhood. I had completely lost perspective on my life and what mattered. I read your blog and cried for days afterwards, praying for you and your family and your sweet baby girl. I just wanted you to know that the story of your wife woke me up. I stare into the eyes of my precious baby girl and thank God for every day, every breathe that I get with her.

You are still in my thoughts and prayers. I cannot imagine your grief, but I can pray for you and I do. God bless you.

A Sip from the Well said...

I just lost my husband to an accident his civilian job (at my dad's factory) on Feb. 10. He was a Chaplain in the national guard-thanks for serving by the way. I have a four year old and an 18mo. I feel as if I know you even though we have never met. God is amazing in his graciousness to bring encouragement even through strangers. Thank you for sharing your journey, I have just started mine.

The Morris Family said...

I am so thankful your clinging to Jesus. He is your Rock and Stay!! Our family has experienced a loss too, our 3yr. Joel with the Lord, 1/23/07. I came across a young widow just as of last year and she has two children. If your like me, it is somewhat of a comfort and encouragement to read of others and their faith in a trial.

http://www.sweetcarolinebaby.blogspot.com/

Keep looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith!!!

The Morris Family

David and Emily McKay said...

Thanks for sharing I really appreciate it! It helps to see another person that is walking this road.

Wenckens Family said...

I too, have been following your blog. As so many do, I admire your strength and unwavering faith in God and Jesus. Precious little Chloe is BEAUTIFUL and I know her Mommy is smiling down with so much pride for both of you. Stay strong and keep up the good work!

Holly said...

Thanks for continuing to update and share. There have been a dozen times that I have intended to comment to say how inspriational a quote, verse or insight you have shared has been, but was distracted because my own baby girl woke up:) I just wanted to say that the quote in this post about seeing all things through Christ was powerful, especially because it is a mindset all Christians should strive for, and one that you have definitely exhibited as you consider the concept of providence and how cancer changed the course of the plans you and Sara had last year. Another striking thing that led me to finally comment this time...in the first pic Chloe bears a definite resemblance to you...a precious little female version of course:) While I'm at it here, I have been meaning to send some books your way since you posted about parenting tips. I got busy with an unexpected move among other things, and who knows when I'll get my act together, so I'll at least recommend some titles before I go....
General care and development: Baby 411, Dr. Ari Brown
Helping your baby sleep well (sometimes a child who has been a good sleeper as an infant will develop new sleep interruptions around 4-6 months old, as they become more and more aware of their environment): Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, Dr. Richard Ferber.
Those are the only two I have read cover to cover and live by. Two others that have been recommended to me many times and that I am also reading are: Shepherding A Child's Heart; Parenting with Love and Logic.